In exactly 36 days it will no longer be 2016! It will be 2017!! A whole new year will be among us. 365 days full of possibilities, opportunities and even some disappointments. As this year comes to a close, I am taking a moment to pause. I’m pausing to reflect on this past year. This year has been nothing short of incredible as God has shown me (and continues to show me) what it means to love myself and to love Him.
In the beginning of 2016, I started a new chapter. As the pages began to unfold, I realized that the new journey I was in was apart of Lords plan for me (and still is). Yet at times I felt really insecure about who I was. And well to be honest I felt insecure with just about everything. I cared way too much about what people thought. There were many days were I would just cry. Thankfully during those first few months with Gods grace and love I learned to work through my insecurities. I realized that all of my insecurities weren’t caused by other people nor were they caused by God. They were caused by the enemy as he would use what I wasn’t that confident about to his advantage. Let me give you an example. I’m really soft-spoken. I’m hard to hear at times. And because of that the enemy has tried to make me believe that what I have to say doesn’t matter and that nobody can hear me so there’s point in talking. But that couldn’t be any farther from the truth! I love my voice. It’s beautiful, unique and soothing. Proverbs 25:15 ►. All those times I felt insecure about my voice I realize that it was just in my head. At the end of the day nobody really cares about me, they may judge me for a moment but at the end of the day people only care about themselves. They could care less about how I sound, what I look, what I do, etc. because they are too immersed in themselves. That’s the cold hard truth. So whenever I start to feel insecure it just means I need to work on my confidence and see myself the way the Lord sees me. Song of Solomon 4:7 ►. I think insecurity comes from A. Not feeling good about yourself B. Comparing yourself to others and C. Not seeing yourself as your Creator sees you. Through gaining confidence in who I am I have learned to love myself better.
I’ve talked about this before about how I used to create lists. I created lists with words like hiking. Working out. Yoga. Reading. These words represented things I enjoy doing and still do. Yet instead of enjoying these things I made it a necessity that I had to do these things so I could love myself. Well doing all these things worked… for a while. BUT I’ve learned that NONE of these things will cause me to love myself fully nor are they the reason I am worthy of love. There is NO thing, no activity, no song, NOTHING that can love me like Jesus can. These things are designed to help but they are not the source. Jesus is the source. So now that I am not basing my self-love off of accomplishes, activities, or people except my wonderful Savior. I am able to see my worth more clearly.
One of the biggest things God has taught me this year is He is in control and His plans are greater than mine. Sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I lose myself in what I think I want the most. But the truth is, I’m not 18 years old anymore. What I mean by that is I shouldn’t be letting anyone control my emotions. There is no need to be so caught up in my feelings. There is no point in being sad, depressed, angry and hurt over something I can’t change. That’s not who I am. Emotions are just visitors. I don’t want to be let them control me. I’m tired of forgetting who I am and forgetting my worth…cause of what I want in a moment. All things are temporary and if I have to force it or am the only one putting in the effort it’s not worth it anyway.
So I guess I’ve learned a lot this year. I’m exiting for what is in store for next year. I really want to make a difference and more of an impact on this earth. I’m hoping this blog can grow… more into a community that inspires and lifts each other up. I don’t know. I’ll guess I’ll see what happens with time.
Thanks for reading. Blessings.